Life Coaching - Respect or Invalidation What's The Difference?

One of the most important skills one can develop in the way we interact with the world is being aware of the fact when we're choosing either consciously or subconsciously of when we invalidate someone. We move through the world of social interactions by using language much like the way a dolphin moves gracefully through the ocean. Being mind full of the words we say, how we say and what is the intention of we are communication is one of skills that the more we develop it, the more the reality we wish upon us comes towards us. Take for example a simple language pattern of:

a) What's the mater with you?
Vs
b) What's troubling you?

The first is a prime example of unconscious invalidation, though some times it is executed intentionally. Lets look at the sub communication of that language structure. "What's the matter with you" inferred that the person is at fault, that they are not taking responsibility of their actions, it also sum communicates that there is something wrong per say with the other person. Even more importantly it says to the other person, I am perfect and you are imperfect. The second language pattern of "What's troubling you" sub communicates that there is nothing wrong with the person, that they are great where they our and it has been observed that something has brought them off balance. This puts the "trouble" on an outside perspective, that the issue might be something out of their control, and above all it demonstrates respect.

Lets also look at the fact that at times as human we tend to generalize and even more disastrous is imposing our own reality on to others. We all make our decisions based on what we know other wise we would make different choices. By telling some one they are wrong and we are right, that invalidates the other person's model of the world. Rather then approaching if from the perspective of looking to understand how they move in their world, the map is not the territory as Richard Bandler puts it. By keeping in mind the other person's reality we are demonstrating high levels of respect. Next time you find your self in a situation where someone is looking to impose their reality simple note that they don't know any better. Rather then arguing and invalidating their point of you say "Interesting, how is that true to you" you will be amazed at how powerful it is when we respect others.